Horse-Man is grilling. Unwinder shows up on his patio.
Unwinder: Hey buddy, you’re an adult, yeah? Have you got a gun?
Horse-Man: Sorry, no.

Unwinder: You wanna go grab one at the store real quick? Right now? I’ll watch your burgers.
Horse-Man: Why?

Unwinder: I’m beefing with a guy online. Things are getting a little hot, and I need a gun.

Horse-Man: Who are you beefing with?
Unwinder: OK, you know that webcomic with the aliens that describe mundane things in funny ways?


We see a comic called “Weirdo Species” about little aliens who talk funny.
Alien 1: My cells require hydration. This might be a good time to ingest liquid.

Alien 2: You should put dihydrogen monoxide in whatever orifice you use for nutrient intake.

Alien 1: Good idea. I shall use this convenient dihydrogen monoxide dispenser.

Alien 1: Hmm… But how shall I transport the liquid to my orifice?
Alien 2: Try putting it inside a vessel made of transparent melted sand.


Unwinder: I’ve been rewriting all of his comics in old-timey language and posting them in the comments.


We see a post from Unwinder in character as the creator of this old-timey comic.
Unwinder in the post: Hey, I made it better for you.

We see Unwinder’s comic, “Ye Olde Species Most Queer,” featuring two old-timey people talking.
Person 1: Hark! Mine body doth growe dry for want of moist’ning drink!

Person 2: Pray, sippeth ye upon a dram of cool watyr, poured where the Lord hath cleft thine jaws.

Person 1: Bless you, I shalle draw watyr from yon pump, which doth grace mine kitchyn.

Person 1: Ah! But by what toil shall I ferry this burbling watyr to mine throat?
Person 2: Runneth ye watyr into this glasse, which was probablye wrought by witchcraft.


Horse-Man: And you think this guy wants to come hurt you? For this?
Unwinder: Read his replies.


WeirdoSpecies: These distorted variants are not amusing, please cease posting them. I have issued this instruction in multiple instances, yet you have not complied.

Unwinder: If you want me to stop, post better comics, easy fix

WeirdoSpecies: Your anachronism is not even consistent. Your characters appear to be Victorian bare-knuckle boxers, but they utilize a pastiche of Shakespearean English from at least 350 years earlier. This is low-probability behavior not worth depicting.

Unwinder: you once called a turd an “excrement nodule”

WeirdoSpecies: I have over 20,000 backers on patreon and my book is a NYT bestseller. I think most people would agree I know how to write a good comic.

Unwinder: your book is an excrement nodule

WeirdoSpecies: I advise caution. I know your domicile number and I know how to construct devices which combust violently. It would be unfortunate if such a device were to be relocated to your domicile by a package locomotion service.


Horse-Man: I think you need to call the police, not buy a gun.
Unwinder: Nah, online death threats don’t mean anything. I didn’t even report him.

Unwinder: I just think it would be funny to reply with a picture of a gun.

Unwinder: I was going to use AI, but I don’t want to take jobs away from artists.